BLOGS

Are Science Majors Better Than Liberal Arts Majors?

How to Succeed in the Screenwriting Business

Against the Cliche “It Is What It Is”

An Old Guy's Cover Letter to an HR Manager

Good Looking Faces on LinkedIn

Uber Driver Thoughts -- Don't Make me Wait!

Robert Downey Jr. Learns He’s Robert Downey III

The Blues in Trenton

The Great Richard Wright

I Don’t Give a Hoot about Your Stupid Dog

I Don’t Give a Flying S**t about Your Oversized Dog!

Ladies, I am an Awesome Liar!

I Want a Man to Tell Me Lies!

Single Dad Who Uses His Kids to Get Laid

Love Me for My Seven Bratty Kids

“Not the Toy Train Set Guy” Seeks Lady

“I am Not a Cat Lady” Seeks Man

Wanted: A Classy Woman Who Takes a lot of Dumps

Wanted: A Classy Man Who Can Burp the Alphabet

I Want to Propose to a Lady on the Jumbotron

If You Propose to Me on the Jumbotron, I’ll Kill You

Conservative Man Seeks Baby-Making Machine

Liberal Woman Seeks Sissy Boy

You Will Love Me Because I am Tall, Period

You Will Love Me Because I am Beautiful

A Guy Who Folds His Arms for the Camera

A Girl Who Gives the Middle Finger to the Camera

Winner(!) Seeks Ornament

Love Me for My Resume!

I Just Bought a Hummer – Now Love Me!

I Drive a Red Convertible – Let’s be Hot Together

SATIRICAL DATING PROFILES

The Pickup Truck Driver

BOOK EXCERPTS

STEREOTYPES

SEMI-SERIOUS THOUGHTS

The Cigarette Couple

Mary Richards Dies from a Botched Boob Job

TV CHARACTER OBITUARIES

Kate Austen is “Lost” a Second Time

James Baldwin: A Tribute

Malcom X and Me

T.O. Wants a Chinese Quarterback

The People’s Republic of Cambridge

The Deluded Writer

A White Boy on the Road

Martin Luther King in Three Acts

Outdated Satire

Jon Stewart an Informant for Paparazzi

The All-American Girl

Man Grows Telephone Balls

Why I Hate Dr. Phil

Five Plants That Have Influenced Human Civilization

Enkidu and Gilgamesh

The Beautician

Charlie’s Angel, Jill Munroe, Killed by Granddaughter

The Little League Dad

Cosmo Kramer Giddy-ups for Last Time

The Fonz Dies in Jukebox Incident

The Volvo Driver

The “My Wife” Guy

Batgirl Dies of a Broken Heart

Hermey The Elf Dies in Bar Fight

Jesus Has a Few Friends Over for B-Day

I Dream of a Dead Jeannie

The Pseudo Biker

Existential Personal Training

Elmer Fudd Dies of Alcoholism

The Cleveland Browns Fan

Sideburn Boy

Norm Peterson Makes Last Call

Thomas Magnum Dies While Driving Volkswagen

The Busy Person

The Fifteen-Minute Whore

Rory Gilmore Dies at Obama Inauguration Ball

Tom Hanson Jumps to Death off 21 Jump Street

Willis Jackson Dies from a Diff’rent Stroke

Sexual Selection

No Shirt Fat Guy

A Canterbury Gail

5K Walk of the Living Dead

Macbeth Teaches Us About the Futility of Life

Tumbleweed: A Scientific and Amusing Lesson

AT&T Mobility Has Death Camps

H.L. Mencken: The Great Prose Stylist

Chris Berman to Quit ESPN

Jesus Blasts the Liberal Elite Media

Jessica Fletcher Murdered by Host

Dunkin’ Donuts Steps Up Pro-Littering Campaign

Captain Picard Dies from a Hair Transplant Accident

Introducing The Walking Catfish

Why Pete Rose Should be in the Hall of Fame

Al Sharpton Calls Himself a Racist

The Black Sox Scandal

Dead Hamas Martyr Demands Another 72 Virgins

The Non-Ideological Ralph Ellison

The Tattoo Person

The Ass-Powered Woman

Give Me Ginger!

Understanding Quantum Physics

The Real Man

Overrated Persian Empire

Lebron, the Trophy Wife

Serious Thoughts

Guess the Verbose Song Title

Robots and Consciousness

Murder Mysteries are Killing Me!

Hamlet and Josh and The Thinking Thing

My Two Shortcomings as a Writer